Episode #3: My Favorite Life Coaching Tool

In this episode I share a life coaching tool that is the foundation of everything I do as a coach. I use this tool with my clients, I use it to coach myself, I use it to create courses, and you can use it to make any changes you want to make in your life. It's called The Model. 

Tune in to find out what it is and how you can start benefitting from it right away!

Grab my free PDF: 100 Thoughts For More Joy

Full Transcript:

You're listening to the Think New Thoughts podcast with Emily Ricks, episode number 3, my favorite life coaching tool.

I'm Emily Ricks and this is Think New Thoughts, a life coaching podcast to help you find more joy in your relationships. In each episode, I'll share a simple idea that will help you see things in a new way so you can love God, your neighbor, and yourself more deeply than you ever have before. If you're ready to literally change your mind, I think you'll like it here.

Hey, welcome back. I'm excited for episode number 3 today.

So far, we've talked about how thoughts are optional and you can decide how you want to interpret any situation you're faced with. We've talked a little bit about how thoughts create feelings. The way you interpret what someone says or does will create emotions for you.

Today, I want to tell you about one of my very favorite life coaching tools. It's the foundation of everything I do as a coach. I use this tool with my clients, I use it to coach myself, I use it to create courses, and you can use it, starting today, to make any changes you want to make in your life.

It's called The Model. It was created by Brooke Castillo, who is the founder of The Life Coach School. The Model is made up of five letters.

C-T-F-A-R. Each letter stands for a word. So C is for cookie.

That's good enough for me. Just kidding. C is for circumstances.

T is for thoughts. F is for feelings. A is for actions.

And R is for results. So that's the five lines of The Model. Every issue we encounter in our lives can be broken down into one of these five things.

It's either a circumstance, a thought, a feeling, an action, or a result. Anything that happens to you, that someone says that you feel that you want, that you accomplish or fail to accomplish, will fit into one of these categories. So there are five components of The Model, and they're all interrelated.

So here's how they work together. Think of C-T-F-A-R as five lines on a paper going down with C at the top, and then it's a flowchart that has an arrow down to each next line. So at the top, the C line, circumstances occur.

Then the next line, which is the T line for thoughts, we think thoughts about our circumstances. Then the next line, F for feeling, how we, the thoughts we think create our feelings. Then the next line, which is the A line for actions, how we feel drives the actions we choose to take or not take.

And then the R line, which is for results, the actions we take or don't take produce results in our lives, results we can see in our relationships, in our finances, in our health, in what we're able to achieve, and ultimately in who we become. Now, The Model is always working in our lives, and it doesn't care if we notice, but we are constantly thinking thoughts that create feelings and then taking actions based on how we feel and producing results that are 100% related to what we're choosing to think and feel and do. So let's talk about each line of The Model.

The first line is the C line, circumstances. So I mentioned this in the last episode. Circumstances are things outside of our control, stuff that happens in our lives, things other people do or say, things that have happened in the past, the weather, events going on in the world.

Circumstances are the facts without any drama. We like to say that they're neutral. So an example might be global pandemic in the year 2020.

This was a circumstance that happened to all of us that we couldn't control. So then the next line of The Model is the T line for thoughts. And a thought is a sentence in your mind that you think about a circumstance.

So if we go with the COVID example, people had lots of thoughts about the global pandemic. And not everybody had the same thoughts as each other during the shutdown, right? So some people may have thought, wearing a mask is crucial and keeps me safe. Some other people may have thought, wearing a mask is stupid and I shouldn't have to do it.

So there were different thoughts about the same circumstance. And moms everywhere were faced with the circumstance of C, on the C line, kids at home doing online school. And some of us were thinking, thought, this is impossible.

Some other moms in the same circumstance may have been thinking, C, kids at home doing online school. That's a circumstance. T, this will be an interesting change in the way we do things, right? Different thought about the same circumstance.

Okay, the next line of The Model is the F line for feelings. Feelings are the emotions or vibrations we experience in our bodies and they're directly related to the thoughts we're thinking. When you think a thought and believe that it's true, you create an experience of feeling in your body.

Okay, so here's two different models that maybe we created during COVID. Circumstance, kids at home doing online school during COVID. Thought, this is impossible.

Feeling frustrated or maybe feeling overwhelmed, right? From thinking that thought. A different model of the same circumstance could be circumstance. Kids at home doing online school during COVID.

Thought, I wonder how we will figure this out. Feeling, curious, open. Okay, so it's not the circumstance of kids doing online school during a global pandemic that creates a feeling of frustration or a feeling of curiosity.

It's actually the thought that we think about the circumstance. Okay, so C-T-F-A-R. A circumstance happens, we think a thought about it, which creates a feeling.

And the next line of The Model is A for action. Actions are the stuff we do or don't do and our actions are driven by our feelings. Okay, so here's a four line model to continue the ones that we were just doing.

Circumstance, kids at home doing online school during COVID. Thought, this is impossible. Feeling, frustrated.

Actions, get angry at kids, raise voice, eat lots of cookies, binge watch Netflix. That's a model that sometimes people did during COVID. A different model about the same circumstance.

Kids at home doing online school during COVID. Thought, I wonder how we will figure this out. Feeling, curious, open.

Actions from that place of curiosity and openness. Try out some new routines. Do at home workouts or walks outside.

Play games, take up new hobbies. Okay, now no judgment for whatever choices you made during the pandemic. And you probably vacillated between lots of different thoughts and emotions and actions on a day-to-day basis as you were actually going through it.

Maybe sometimes you felt overwhelmed. Sometimes you felt angry. Sometimes you felt depressed.

Maybe sometimes you felt creative or innovative or grateful for certain things. That's totally fine and normal and good. But what I want to point out is that what we do, the actions we take in any situation are driven by our emotions, which are created by what we choose to think.

Okay, so the last line of the model, C-T-F-A-R. Circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, results is the R line for results. And results are the overall effect of our actions.

Results are produced by what we think, feel, and do, right? So maybe we gained 15 pounds because we were eating lots of cookies and binge watching Netflix when we felt overwhelmed because we were thinking that online school was impossible. Maybe in the other model, we built muscle and lost weight because when we were feeling curious and open about how we would figure this out, we tried out some new routines and found that we liked doing at-home workouts in the morning. Okay, so notice that the result in either case was not produced by the circumstance.

It was produced by the thought that created the feeling that drove the action or the inaction. Okay, so if you want to start using the model today, and I recommend that you do because it's amazing and awesome and it will change your life. Here's how you can try it out.

Write C-T-F-A-R going down on a piece of paper with space next to each letter. Now there's lots and lots of ways you can use the model. You can start on any line, but an easy way for most people to start is on the feeling line.

So next time you feel a persistent, unwanted, negative emotion, make a model. Ask yourself, what am I feeling? Okay, just what am I feeling? Then maybe you'll say, I feel angry. So you're going to put that on the F-line, angry.

And then ask yourself why. Why am I angry? It's just reminding me of this scene from The Incredibles where Bob Parr's boss is like, I'm not happy, Bob. He's like, ask me why.

Why? Why what, Bob? Be specific. Why are you not happy? Anyway, do you know what I'm talking about? If not, don't worry about it. Okay, so you're going to ask yourself, what am I feeling? Okay.

You write that on the F-line. Then why? Why am I angry? And then you're probably, your brain is going to tell you a circumstance. Your brain is going to tell you, well, I'm angry with my daughter because she didn't clean up the mess she made in the kitchen.

Okay. So that's going to go on your circumstance line. What you're going to write on the C-line, you're going to try to make sure that there's nothing in there that's emotional or charged or dramatic.

It's just a neutral circumstance. So on the circumstance line, if I'm saying, okay, I'm angry, that's on the feeling line with my daughter, because she didn't clean up the mess she made in the kitchen. Then I might on the circumstance line, right? Daughter, art supplies in the kitchen.

Or I might write, you know, there are 23 items on the kitchen counter or something that's just very factual. Okay. Then there's always a thought in between the C-line and the F-line.

And usually we aren't aware of it, right? Usually we think, well, the circumstance happened and that's what made me feel this emotion. But that's why we make models. That's why we write it down.

So we can become aware of the thought we're thinking that's creating the feeling. Okay. So you fill in the thought line with the thought.

So in order to do this, so if you, you know, it's circumstance, daughter, art supplies in the kitchen, and then you have this feeling of angry and you've got this T-line in between, then you, sometimes you have to write down five or 10 different thoughts. We call that a thought download. So you just write down, you just brainstorm.

What are the thoughts that I'm thinking that are creating this emotion? Okay. So you brainstorm some thoughts and maybe one of the ones you write down is she doesn't respect me. So you would put that on the thought line.

So circumstance, daughter, art supplies in kitchen, thought, she doesn't respect me, feeling angry. Okay. So using the model for beginners, I just like to start people with the first three lines.

That's it. Then you go, huh, that's an interesting thought. It's interesting that I chose to think that.

What other interpretations are available to me about this circumstance? Just knowing that you're choosing it and that it's the thought that's creating the feeling and that there are other thoughts you could choose. That's really powerful. So if you want to go the next step, let's say you've done CTF and you want to go the next step.

Then you ask yourself, okay, what do I do or not do when I'm angry? And maybe then on the action line, you would say, well, when I feel angry, I stomp around and I sigh. Maybe I scold my daughter or speak in a snarky tone of voice when I'm talking to her, right? Those are the actions you try to write as many actions as you can. Just so you get awareness.

How do I show up when I'm thinking this thought and feeling this feeling? And then the fifth line of the model is the R line, the result. So you fill that in, you ask yourself, what result do I create for myself in the end when I'm thinking and feeling and doing this stuff? And it's not what other people do. It's the result that you create for you.

So in this, maybe the R line in this model, I might say, you know, when I'm feeling angry and I stomp around and I sigh and I scold my daughter, my result might be, well, I create a vibe of criticism and judgment in my home. I show up as not super respectful or kind. And that's just interesting to notice, right? Just, we, we just get awareness about what it is that we're thinking and feeling and doing and creating.

So that's the five parts of the model. We have control over four fifths of it. We can't control the circumstances, but we can control our thoughts, feelings, our actions, and our results.

We can choose on purpose what we want to think and feel and do and create in our lives. Even when we're faced with circumstances that are challenging for us, everything we experience as human fits onto one of the five lines of the model. And we have control over four fifths of it.

Most people spend tons of energy trying to change their circumstances and very little energy seeking to change their thoughts or feelings or actions or results. And I want to help you turn that on its head and show you how to use your energy to change what you actually have the power to change, which is your thinking. And then your change thinking will create new feelings, which will drive new actions, which will produce new results.

I love doing this work. It's literally life-changing. That's what it's about.

So if you want to try out some self-coaching and use the model to help you feel better and find more joy in your relationships this week, start with a mini model of just three lines, just write CTF on a piece of paper and see if you can fill out what am I feeling? What's the circumstance without the drama, just the neutral facts. And then what is the thought that I'm thinking about the circumstances creating the feeling? Start with just that. Just notice the thought you're thinking.

Notice that it's the thought that's creating your feeling. Notice that the thought is optional. That's it.

Just start there. Okay, try it out. Then once you get the hang of it, you can move down to the action and the result line.

But for now, just do CTF. This is an amazing tool for awareness of what you are thinking and what your thoughts are creating for you. Okay, that's it.

Thanks for joining me today. I'll see you next time.